Ending breast cancer. Replacing it with diabetes.

This is really really real.

KFC's Buckets for the Cure

Did you even know a "poultry economist" was something you could be?

“We have these jumbo, juicy paws the Chinese really love,” said Paul W. Aho, a poultry economist.

Did you know?

This of course is the equivalent of using a whole bun on either side of your burger.

I know what you're thinking

But only beef can be served on Krispy Kreme doughnuts...! Not so, you small-minded little oyster! Fried chicken makes an excellent substitute for those in the business of putting things that do not belong in donuts in donuts.

The doughnut burger rears its ugly head once more

Burger Insanity in Portland

More dystopian food!

from the New Yorker Cartoon Lounge: Summer Snack Ideas.

Fairfax sues Krispy Kreme over ruined sewer system

"The suit details problems with the plant dating as far back as 2004, describing a sewer facility permeated by the smell of doughnuts, pipes clogged with corrosive slime and the resulting raw sewage leaks that eventually shut down the southern Fairfax sewer system."

Thank goodness it wasn't Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburgers.

There is also Texas-shaped peanut brittle and cheddar cheese

Nate Silver thinks that if Texas really wants to be rebellious, it could split up into five smaller states, including El Norte, Trinity, Gulfland, Plainland, and New Texas.

My question to him is what would happen to Texas-shaped tortilla chips?

Currently:


Under Silver's plan:

Why, Martha Rose Shulman? Why?!

Wild Rice and Brown Rice Salad With Walnuts and Asparagus??!?!

I think right after I posted about my unhealthy obsession with the New York Times' Recipes for Health section, Martha Rose Shulman started making really disgusting-looking recipes. Like today's White Bean Puree, which can be thinned with milk. Ew. Bean puree with milk?! What happened to you, Martha? Scambled Eggs and Assparagus?! There's no cheese in that. Barley and Mushroom Salad with English Peas? A photograph of that does not make my mouth water.

It wasn't so long ago we were enjoying saliva-worthy images of Pureed Potato and Brocolli Soup with Parmesan Croutons and Japanese Spinach with Sesame Dressing and Black Bean Chili.

But now it's all quinoa and walnuts. Get with the program.

Aslan symbolized lasagna

I read a book by C.S. Lewis once where he's like: "If people were staring at photographs of food and drooling, we'd think they had a problem, right? So why don't we think people who look at porn have a problem, y'know?"

And he was right. The amount of time I spend looking at pictures of food online is obscene.

Also, Christianity really is misunderstood by atheists.

And it's not junk food that attracts me (although I do admire soupy melted cheese). It's attractively arranged healthy food, like in the Recipes for Health section of the New York Times. I check it at least once a day to see what delightful concoction Martha Rose Shulman has arranged for my viewing pleasure. Not like that rogue Mark Bittman, who often posts recipes with NO ACCOMPANYING PHOTOGRAPHS. What is the point?

I don't have time to watch videos where Bittman makes adorable comments and the snazzy intro music lasts as long as the entire segment. I just want to see some meat. Some cheese. Something sizzling. Something dripping. Gurgle.

Copied and pasted from the Dining & Wine section of the New York Times

FOR THE FROSTING:

8 thick strips bacon, in 1/4-inch dice

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons heavy cream

2 tablespoons crème fraîche

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3 tablespoons maple syrup

1 teaspoon salt

3 cups confectioners’ sugar

Flaky salt or fleur de sel, for garnish.

We are

the top hit if you google "dystopian food."

Should I just do a dystopian food blog?

Since this blog is mostly a compilation of dystopian foods I encounter on the internet and elsewhere, I figured I had to post a link to this horrifying concoction. I know, it's not fair just to not like things cause they're made out of bacon or shrimp, but come on. Woven bacon wrapped around pork sausage wrapped around crunchy bacon? I think if this was made out of something I like, like potatoes, I'd be into it. As it is, kind of makes me want to puke. Even the people making this seem a little worried that it's disgusting. Like, "Jim, are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes, Chuck. This is how I want to go."

Every time I take a bite

Ever think about how pissed off you are making some tuna?

They will find you.

Passing judgment on people who believe in detoxes...

.......now. (note that this is written up in the fashion section.)

Ew

I don't want to be all like shrimp are gross. But seriously.

"I'm game, honey!"

The return of the bacon cheeseburger on a donut! Paula Deen makes an old favorite and I'm not sure who the sassy black woman is.

Cindy McCain with a pancake on her head

Thank you to reader Dan Lacey for this amazing painting. Check out his website, where you can find images of other political celebrities--including Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, and Hurricane Gustav--as well as the artist himself with pancakes on their heads.

When donuts go bad

I guess I missed the bandwagon on these bacon cheeseburgers in a Krispy Kreme bun (allegedly made for the head of Google's cafeteria staff on their birthday). What amazed me most was not just the concept, which is cute--if disgusting--but the fact that they made so many! How many people were actually willing to eat one? Then a little research revealed that this is not an isolated affair. A minor league baseball team in St. Louis makes them. Here is a gallery of Krispy Kreme burgers from "around the world." At some point, you have to throw up your hands and admit that it is sort of delicious sounding.