I have to stop crying at everything

Did anyone write the great dissertation on spontaneous group performance yet?

Flying cars!

Wheeeeeee! Finally! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: flying cars are awesome. The Parajet Skycar (pictured below with its inventor) took off from London today en route to Timbuktu (can we all agree Timbuktu is the best place to travel in a zany British flying contraption?).

It was built by a zany British inventor named Giles Cardozo, and, like all zany British inventions, accompanied by its fair share of adorable indigenous stereotypes.

''I just can't wait to see their faces when we fly in and start playing football with them,'' [Cardozo] said. ''I don't think they will be able to believe somebody in a flying car has just visited them.''

Stupid people are stupid

This morning on the train I was seated for several stops on the train next to one of those awful blond people with a Chanel bag. Everything this woman did was designed to make me hate her. She swept her perfectly waved blond hair out of her face to reapply her lipstick and gloss, removed her Burberry sunglasses and replaced them in their case. Then, she took out her *pink* Blackberry to check a few things—probably People.com—and finally turned up the volume on her iTouch so that I could hear the thumping in the background of the latest Katy Perry single.

Every single one of the defense mechanisms I built up in a high school full of people like this came crashing out of the gate. “Boy, she looks dumb with all that make-up on,” I thought. “I bet she think it’s cool to be stupid.” “I’ll just continue reading my theology book called ‘The River of Light’” and “I think my purple painted fingernails look funky, so I don’t care if hers are perfectly manicured” and finally, inevitably: “What a cunt.”

Only then, in my head, she started responding to what I was thinking and told ME that I was the one with a problem and that I really ought to dress up and enjoy life while I was young and beautiful. And she said nobody likes poor people, and that why didn’t I brush my hair?

So I punched the bitch, and in my rage, I got off at the wrong stop.

I need to get out of this city.

Found poetry on the subject of commuting

The text of this poem comes from an email from my roommate, which is especially timely because I just hate people on the subway sometimes, don't you like totally sometimes too?

People seem to think
that if they push
their way onto the train
before you get off,
that's the right thing to do.
People also seem to think
that if they push off
the train before you,
their lives will be
immeasurably improved
because there is now one person
behind them
getting off the train.
This is why
I think
we need to impose
a radical population reduction program.
Shoot
people who are rude
during subway commutes.