Friday, February 27, 2009

Fat Cat got cat-sat

To whomever i was talking about this with, however many weeks or months ago, it's Edward Gorey who does the pictures of the children who die in alphabetical ways.

Dunno why I couldn't think of that.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

karl marx looks like a homeless guy - TAKE THAT!

This is the fat cat that used to live in my sister's house. It goes by "Fat Cat" or sometimes "Mr. Fat."

Can you find its face?

This isn't one of those blogs where people just post adorable pictures of animals and say "awwww, look how cute. "

This is a hard hitting news blog (obvi).

So I wanted to get to the story behind the photo. Rising cat literacy. You probably noticed (if you could find his head) that Mr. Fat is checking out the titles on my sister's bookshelf. What you may not have noticed is that one of the books he's eying is "The Communist Manifesto."

Of course, he's far too obese to get himself up off the back of that chair and too apathetic to take the time to learn to read. But give him a scratching post and some young kitty to chase around, and he'll be spouting German revolutionary rhetoric in a matter of lives.

That's the last thing we need, people. Not in this economy. I for one can't afford to pay any more taxes to fluffy feline overlords.

I hope you're getting worried, because the revolution may already be starting. Someone has vandalized the Karl Marx Wikipedia page. They've written "karl marx looks like a homeless guy" next to a photograph of him.

I'm not saying a cat was doing research and thought it would be funny. I'm just saying cats can't capitalize things (they don't have the proper appendages to operate the shift key), so what does that tell us?

You tell me.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

"Twirl me, Mr. President"

What the New York Times didn't cover about Obama's appearance before Congress tonight was the hint of a tender romance blossoming between the new President and Supreme Court Justice Ruth "Kiki" Bader Ginsburg (I'm sure Liz Smith would have covered it if she hadn't been fired for not serving any function in society).

Obama's affair with an SCJ is a misstep familiar to Presidential historians, who still remember that famous incident in 1903, when Theodore Roosevelt attempted to unhook Oliver Wendell Holmes' bra.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Did you guys see these?

Commercial for high fructose corn syrup:

Before you get all excitable, some people already made a parody. Which is very badly done, but I suppose I "get" it.

But I like the underlying commentary on racial stereotypes. It's like, what, just cause I'm black I don't know what's good for my kids?

Or is it just because I'm serving them bright red sugar water that you question my interest in nutrition.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Copied and pasted from the Dining & Wine section of the New York Times


8 thick strips bacon, in 1/4-inch dice

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons heavy cream

2 tablespoons crème fraîche

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3 tablespoons maple syrup

1 teaspoon salt

3 cups confectioners’ sugar

Flaky salt or fleur de sel, for garnish.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Fine, Christian children are innocent and adorable.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


I think it's worth condemning this oft-updated ABC News slideshow of basically freaks that you can stare at when no one else is around.

I'm tired of this gross ad

Let's start a blog about how we're tired of this ad being on every website in the universe. Also it doesn't even work. You're either with me or with Oprah. Don't think too hard about that one.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Classical cellist Yo-Yo Ma fart fart fart

I was trying to think of bad things you can say about Yo-Yo Ma, and I couldn’t think of any. He seems like a totally decent guy—classy but fun, talented but down-to-earth. So I’m on the Yo-Yo Ma website, looking at the “Extras” section, and I find a little widget where you can send Yo-Yo Ma a text message and the site publishes what people send in.

I guess there is no moderator reading these.

Actual messages on world-renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma’s official homepage (that have been up since October 2008!):
“your violin looks burnt up!”
“Hes go huge t@@@”
“hes brown like brown babies doodoo”
“Aw lawd dat smell like keishas butt when she ain’t wipe.”

Poll results

A recent poll reveals that NINE out of 16 people really miss letting everyone down in team sports in high school gym class. That is weird, guys.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Yeah, that makes sense. Wait, no it doesn't.

Holocaust survivors and people who want to legalize cannabis have teamed up for this Israeli election cycle. I guess...everyone just needs to forget their troubles sometimes?

Monday, February 9, 2009


Fine, everyone hates the new header. Fine.

Ode to instant coffee

You have so much to offer
in the way of
being free
at my office

Presidents are just like us

Turns out even Obama can't take those ignorant motherfuckers sometimes. Check out this collection of risque clips from his reading of Dreams From My Father.

(Try to ignore the fact that comedian April Winchell didn't like the book. That bitch ain't shit. Except good job compiling these.)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My dream wedding dress

Daschle's glasses

"flashy" -the new york post
"snazzy" -buzzfeed
"...illustrate poor judgment" -poster on actuarial outpost
"a harbinger of doom...determined-to-be-hip" -maureen dowd
"kinda fruity lookin'" -poster on sigforum ("quality firearms, quality discussion")

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

International debauchery

Germans Take Clothes Off in Brazilian Airport

The key question, of course, is just how naked did the German tourists get. Also, is it really not acceptable to change clothes in the airport in a country where this is the traditional national dress?:

Monday, February 2, 2009

Poll results

People like lying on the beach. Go figure. I'm glad we decided to go ahead with this controversial and astounding poll.

Far be it from me

to mock the unique culture and clothing of another nation, but even the guy in the back of this picture is like, "Seriously, you need those sunglasses indoors?"