Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Palindrome of the day*

I, madam, I made radio! So I dared! Am I mad? Am I?

*didn't you know we had one?

Counting your 2008 blessings

Lucky enough to have a boyfriend who handmade this someecard for me...sigh. Tralala.

I find someecards pretty clever and sometimes even hilarious, but--aside from a brilliant few--most of the user-generated cards are complete crap. Here are a few of the worst from the holiday section (i made this post more interesting by adding colors and changing up the fonts--whoa, buckle your deskchair belts):

"Party Like it's 1999" was Ten Fucking Years Ago!!! Happy New Year

Since we are ending the year with a bang, how about banging my rear end..for shits and giggles.

The brie puff pastry appetizer isn't the only thing that's getting baked this evening.

My New Years Resolution is to find a way to divorce your stupid ass..cheaply.

Here's to a new year and the inevitable abortion that I'll have as a result.

And here's a good one:

My New Year's resolution is to remind you how badly you're doing with yours.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

U.S. Feebly Condemns Israeli Airstrikes Over Gaza

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice affirmed today that the United States will continue to feebly condemn Israeli airstrikes over Gaza.

“The United States fully supports Israel’s right to defend herself, but we will almost dispute Israel stepping over the bounds of self-defense,” Rice said, in a whisper that could only be heard by those closest to her in the hall.

Tuesday was the fourth consecutive day of airstrikes by the Israeli military. Israeli officials offer no hope for a ceasefire, despite the United States’ suggestion that they think things through a bit more.

“We take seriously the halfhearted concerns of the United States. It pains us to hear that we are performing operations that our ally is maybe not 100% comfortable with,” said Tzipi Livni, Israel’s Foreign Affairs Minister and acting Prime Minister.

“It’s not that I think they’re totally bad,” Rice mumbled, referring to the targeted attacks of known Hamas facilities that have nonetheless led to the deaths of at least 60 civilians. She then shrugged. “It’s just kinda like, hey, come on, guys.”

Rice added that the United States will maintain its tepid commitment to diplomatic relations.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The thing about U-Haul is

it sucks.

It's clear that the people who work there do not want to be there. It's far away, by bus or walking. It's impossible to drive giant vans/trucks in the city. They take forever to do anything, and then make you feel like a dork for asking if you can rent blankets--not because they don't have blankets but just because it builds them up to put other people down. Then they make you fill up the gas afterward.

That's why I'm starting my own moving van rental facility. It will be called Awesome Van or maybe Van's the Man. It will be located right next door to wherever you are moving things from. A complimentary driver will be assisted by two burly yet gentle men, who will delicately remove your furniture from your dwelling and place it in the van, which will come pre-cushioned for your convenience. You will be ferried to your destination in a Vespa or something else cool. After they move your things with the grace of very strong swans, the driver will return the van for you, and then offer not to charge you because they weren't finished in under half an hour. The cost of the amount of gas you used will be credited by the company to the green charity of your choice.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Bacterial video

Usually, I abhor infectious videos of this sort, so when my co-worker said "Have you seen the one with the sorority girl crying?" I was like, no thank you. But it's pretty funny, because she's crying so hard, see?:

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I'm not deleting spam comments because it makes it look like more people read my blog.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


One-liner on Onion homepage. Check it out this week:

Friday, December 5, 2008

Shrek the sheep

This picture makes me feel fat. Click through a slide show of Shrek being shorn here.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"I'm game, honey!"

The return of the bacon cheeseburger on a donut! Paula Deen makes an old favorite and I'm not sure who the sassy black woman is.

If the New Yorker is reporting it, it must be relevant

Seems I'm not the only one concerned about what Jones Soda is doing to the holidays.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

But more importantly

I was forced to use the word "pressata" to order my lunch today. Never again.

Monday, December 1, 2008

There is jelly-doughnut flavored soda

Check out Jones Soda's holiday soda packs. Jelly doughnut flavored soda is pretty gross, but I think Christmas ham flavor is probably the winner. Of course, the best part may be that you can buy a combo of one Chanukah and one Christmas pack.

You are the One, Neo

Is this normal?

Live blogging Thanksgiving.

Is reading a blog about someone else's Thanksgiving dinner supposed to help you better understand your own? Isn't this kind of like--instead of getting presents on Christmas morning--getting pictures of what other people are getting?

Nonetheless, I was happy to hear that at 1:53pm, the couple from New Jersey made it through the Bridge traffic into the city.