Tuesday, December 30, 2008

U.S. Feebly Condemns Israeli Airstrikes Over Gaza

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice affirmed today that the United States will continue to feebly condemn Israeli airstrikes over Gaza.

“The United States fully supports Israel’s right to defend herself, but we will almost dispute Israel stepping over the bounds of self-defense,” Rice said, in a whisper that could only be heard by those closest to her in the hall.

Tuesday was the fourth consecutive day of airstrikes by the Israeli military. Israeli officials offer no hope for a ceasefire, despite the United States’ suggestion that they think things through a bit more.

“We take seriously the halfhearted concerns of the United States. It pains us to hear that we are performing operations that our ally is maybe not 100% comfortable with,” said Tzipi Livni, Israel’s Foreign Affairs Minister and acting Prime Minister.

“It’s not that I think they’re totally bad,” Rice mumbled, referring to the targeted attacks of known Hamas facilities that have nonetheless led to the deaths of at least 60 civilians. She then shrugged. “It’s just kinda like, hey, come on, guys.”

Rice added that the United States will maintain its tepid commitment to diplomatic relations.

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