Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Don't Be Early To The Party

9:02 pm

Check email.

9:15 pm

Watch “Charlie Bit Me” video on YouTube.

9:25 pm

Check email.

9:26 pm

Microwave a couple of frozen pizza bites, so you won’t be hungry all night.

9:45 pm

Send “Charlie Bit Me” video to some friends who might be interested. Ask if any of them are going to party. They might.

10:00 pm

Talk about “Charlie Bit Me” with one of them for a while. Say things like “CHAR-lie” and “he bit me!”

10:15 pm

Check email.

10:16 pm

Look at the Facebook page of that guy you liked for a while who was probably really into you before he moved to Guam.

10:24 pm

Notice how skinny his current girlfriend is.

10:25 pm

Do a few crunches.

10:30 pm

Feel sheepish, report crunch-doing to friend via AIM. Ask if she’s going to party. She isn’t.

10:45 pm

Discuss sorry state of feminism with said friend.

11:00 pm

Microwave a few more empowering frozen pizza bites.

11:10 pm

Check email.

11:14 pm

Click on YouTube link mom sent you in her latest email to the “Mom Song” sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture.

11:23 pm

Send “Mom Song” link to friends on AIM, with message “my mom sent me this. Ha.”

11:27 pm

Feel a little guilty, consider calling mom to tell her you love her.

11:28 pm

Write note to self to call her on Sunday.

11:30 pm

Finish off box of pizza bites.

11:40 pm

Discard box with small sense of accomplishment. Empty garbage and put it in a new trash bag.

11:43 pm

Check email.

11:44 pm

Text to see if anyone is not online because they’re already at the party. They are, but people are starting to leave. Check time. Notice it’s getting late.

11:46 pm

Text friend to tell him you’re just gonna have an early night.

11:47-4:13 am


4:13 am


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