9:02 pm
Check email.
Watch “Charlie Bit Me” video on YouTube.
Check email.
Microwave a couple of frozen pizza bites, so you won’t be hungry all night.
Send “Charlie Bit Me” video to some friends who might be interested. Ask if any of them are going to party. They might.
10:00 pm
Talk about “Charlie Bit Me” with one of them for a while. Say things like “CHAR-lie” and “he bit me!”
Check email.
Look at the Facebook page of that guy you liked for a while who was probably really into you before he moved to
Notice how skinny his current girlfriend is.
10:25 pmDo a few crunches.
Feel sheepish, report crunch-doing to friend via AIM. Ask if she’s going to party. She isn’t.
Discuss sorry state of feminism with said friend.
11:00 pm
Microwave a few more empowering frozen pizza bites.
11:10 pm
Check email.
11:14 pm
Click on YouTube link mom sent you in her latest email to the “Mom Song” sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture.
11:23 pm
Send “Mom Song” link to friends on AIM, with message “my mom sent me this. Ha.”
11:27 pm
Feel a little guilty, consider calling mom to tell her you love her.
11:28 pm
Write note to self to call her on Sunday.
11:30 pm
Finish off box of pizza bites.
11:40 pm
Discard box with small sense of accomplishment. Empty garbage and put it in a new trash bag.
11:43 pm
Check email.
11:44 pm
Text to see if anyone is not online because they’re already at the party. They are, but people are starting to leave. Check time. Notice it’s getting late.
11:46 pm
Text friend to tell him you’re just gonna have an early night.
11:47-4:13 am
Nonsense.
4:13 am
Sleep.
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