Proceeds go to the Deborah Gross Fund

Come see me tomorrow night in the role of a lifetime as Deb in "Conversations with Deb." One night only!

http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/2297

(source)

A little something for my spam commenters

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北方話

''Stockpiling vegetable purees for covert use in children's food is an idea that cannot be copyrighted." - 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Manhattan

Finally! An answer!

Ending breast cancer. Replacing it with diabetes.

This is really really real.

KFC's Buckets for the Cure

SADISTIC TERRIFIC this Sunday, 4/11 6:30pm at the Magnet!

"At the time, I was a 92 lb Korean woman..."

-from NYTimes comments on Health page

April Fool's update

No one's played an April Fool's joke on me yet, so I'm still pretty unsuspecting if you're looking for a target.

"Cello-punk band Rasputina's concept album Oh Perilous World features an alternative-history scenario where Mary Todd Lincoln is Queen of Florida."

- Wikipedia entry for Mary Todd Lincoln

Disputed isle in Bay of Bengal disappears into sea

For nearly 30 years, India and Bangladesh have argued over control of a tiny rock island in the Bay of Bengal. Now rising sea levels have resolved the dispute for them: the island's gone.

New Moore Island in the Sunderbans has been completely submerged, said oceanographer Sugata Hazra, a professor at Jadavpur University in Calcutta. Its disappearance has been confirmed by satellite imagery and sea patrols, he said.

Powder in Montana Envelope Just Crushed Pain Pill

So the story starts out by telling you that state officials in Montana are fine, after they discovered that a white powder in some mail they got was just a crushed up pain pill.

No, it wasn't put there on purpose to scare them. Apparently, some lady just accidentally dropped it into the envelope before she mailed it.

Okay, I buy that. It was on her desk, it fell in, sure.

Then they tell you the stick they thought was some kind of "triggering device" was actually a lollipop stick.

Wait, a stick? There was a stick, too? In the envelope?

Yes, apparently, this woman was carrying around the envelope in her purse for a week, where she naturally also had loose pain pills and used lollipop sticks floating around, and they made their way into the envelope.

Allowing for the moment that a lollipop stick and pain pill could make their way into an envelope by accident, how did this woman fail to notice the bulges when she sealed (I'm assuming they didn't crawl into a sealed envelope) and placed the envelope in the mail?

Also, why didn't she throw out the lollipop stick?!!

Clearly a massive government cover up. Everyone should be quarantined who so much as read the news today.

Cheese Thief Jailed for 7 Years in California

Decriminalize cheese thievery!

CONVERSATIONS WITH DEB

Deb, of Conversations with Deb, fame, brings you her trademark brand of interaction along with myself, Dru Johnston, and Scott Sobol. Friday at UCB at 8pm. $10.

We've done this show once before and it was terrific. It'll be even better this time because I won't try to put on a blazer while still holding a scotch glass.

Goat Leads Texas Police on 30-Minute Chase

"There was no immediate word on who owned the goat. "

*Apparently, I already had a "goats" tag.

Paleontologists: 'We've Been Looking At Dinosaurs Upside Down'

You know how you were pretty sure you took Family Guy's side?

Now you can be completely sure.

This is like a fake commercial from SNL. I hope next they make a three-piece pajama suit.

This video where actors describe their favorite performance of the decade is annoying but makes up for it by being hilarious. Also...what happened to Sandra Bullock's hair there? It's like the girl next door got electrocuted. Very scary.

I stopped watching after Jake Gyllenhaal said "God, I'm such a kiss ass," with this very serious, concerned look on face. Yech.

"Garlic finely cut and suspended in olive oil together with parsley leaves is often served to barbecued fish in Croatia."

-from an article about garlic

After they eat it, they taste delicious.

Letting Poor People Vote Is Dangerous

"Poor people are capable of feats of bravery and revolution. They can storm the Bastille, overthrow the tsar or stage an Orange Revolution. But impoverished people are incapable of making sober decisions and voting responsibly in a popular election."

*h/t to Olivia.

New York Times delightfully overwritten sentence of the day

"The seeming conflicts of interest are as abundant as the cattle grazing among the pump jacks and mesquite."

Are they microwave-safe?

I had to research CPR certification for work, and I came across a site that lets you become certified in the safety (comfort?) of your own home with a video and manikins. From the FAQ page:

13. How do I clean the manikins?
The heads are dishwasher safe. The lung bags are replaceable.

"Run the flirty one."

Sometimes I wonder if they're doing this on purpose:

(The photo attached to an article about defense officials seeking to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Click to enlarge and you'll see what I mean. Or think I'm a giant homophobe.)

I really hope

that there's still only one comment posted when you read this article on overly critical parents/people in the Bay Area. The article includes several examples of people being a little too overbearing and preachy.

The VERY FIRST commenter objects to the article on the grounds that it only includes examples of women acting this way. If you're going to criticize people for being critical, then you have to be egalitarian about it.

Chimps iz so smart!

Look, they can make a movie! If by "make a movie" you mean variously try to eat, break, or make sex at a video camera someone decided to throw into their cage.

Too bad it came out slightly too late to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar.

Best headline ever?

Gay man who tried to poison lesbian neighbours with slug pellets over three-legged cat feud walks free

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1242637/Gay-man-tried-poison-lesbian-neighbours-slug-pellets-legged-cat-feud-walks-free.html#ixzz0e1RJlRfa

Ungrateful wretches

Check out this article about the conviction of four men who opposed the Communist Party published in the online version of the official communist newspaper of Vietnam. If you're worried they got off easy, never fear:

"The 33 year-in-prison punishment, for the four defendants, is suitable and justice has been served to the Party, Nation, and People."

In addition, there are articles of interest regarding "Activities of the Party and State," "Vietnam in foreigners' eyes," and the friendly "About Us" section. I don't know why I find sentences like this so amusing:

"State President Nguyen Minh Triet asked the VFF to concentrate on diversifying forms of mobilisation so as to rally the entire people into various movements to strengthen the country and make it more prosperous."

It reminds me of when the Onion did their parody of a Chinese takeover at the paper.

Pa. Woman Manages to Crash Car Into Her Own Home

I love the above headline because there's just a touch of the AP being like "Jeez, lady, look what you managed to do now." Much better than simply "Pa. Woman Crashes Car Into Her Own Home."

Of course Orthodox Jews have different bath towels for meat and dairy!

Most TV Shows Named In One Minute Replacing One Word In Title With "Horse"

This may be the greatest contest every thunk up. The contestant must name as many television shows as possible in one minute replace a word with "horse." As in "The Gilmore Horses," "Dawson's Horse," "Golden Horses" and "Three's A Horse." You can only name one one-word television show (as in "Horse" for "Seinfeld"). Here Kumail Nanjiani named 17 shows in one minute. This is the world's funnest record database that I never heard of before.

Who says the Onion isn't hardcore anymore? (Did anyone say that? Not sure.)

I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore by Rush Limbaugh

It just occurred to me that there must have been a Lady Sandwich.

"Our recipe for crust was passed on for generations and a guarded secret in my family, known for their guarded secrets."
- Chris B., pizza maker in San Francisco

It's sort of sick that I take pleasure even in spam comments.