Yesterday, I was shopping with my sister, and I bumped into this woman with my purse. I immediately apologized. She responded by slamming her purse into me as hard as she could. When I realized she'd intentionally hit me, I turned to her to apologize again.
"Look, it was really an accident. I'm sorry I hit you, " I said. She didn't reply and gave me an evil look. At that point, my sister--not a New Yorker--grabbed my arm and walked me away in the other direction.
But you want to know the truth? It wasn't an accident. I ran into that old hag on purpose. In fact, I was carrying around an iron so that the impact of my purse would really hurt (I was really carrying around an iron--long story). I just didn't like the look of her, the way she was muscling in on all the medium sized white camisoles in Old Navy. I wanted to hurt her, to show her whose town this is, and which of us that particular Old Navy belongs to. (Me.)
I hope she bruises easily.
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4 comments:
I once accidentally bumped into a woman while processing into a bus. I hesitated, not knowing I had hit her, and then said, "Sorry."
Her response? "If you were sorry, you would have apologized right away."
Me: "I didn't realize, I'm sorry, I..."
Her: "Never mind. I'm not going to let you ruin my day."
Me: "Well then I'm just going to have to follow you around until your day is sufficiently ruined, huh? How about we start by crushing your ridiculous oversized sunglasses? Then I throw your iPod under this bus? Then, finally, I just provide you with a classic punch in the nose!"
Okay the last part didn't happen.
yeah what the fuck is wrong with people?
Which Old Navy were you in, Shira? The one on 34th is mine, so you best watch your back. That's my turf. Fool.
I knew that New York City was a bad place full of meanies and this proves it.
MOM
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